As you’ve probably gathered from our
drunken chicken scratch writing, we’ve been around the block once or twice – like that time we came to in an underground club in Barcelona with Swedish twins named Kiki and Mimi, or that other time we wound up at a strange Frenchman’s birthday party in the basement of a house far from our temporary apartment in Paris. But despite our sordid history of party hopping around Europe in various states of consciousness, there’s one epic Eastern European blackout we’ve yet to experience.
According to a new report by the buzzkills at the World Health Organization, the tiny nation of Moldova is leading the way among its larger, more populated peers in terms of getting wasted, smokin’ stogies, and generally having a good ass time. Don’t believe us? Close one eye and take a look at this graph (click to enlarge):
That’s right. Moldova waited until no one was looking and became Europe’s drunkest country wide margin. To add a little wooziness to that buzz, the country also has the fourth highest rate of smoking in the region. Basically, Moldova is like that weird girl in high school who everyone thought stayed home on the weekends drawing pictures of unicorns and playing Scrabble with her grandmother, but really she was out with her alt friends from a different district getting hammered and bumming her stolen Parliament Lights to homeless men. And we want to party with that girl.
While we know the World Health Organization wants us to condemn Moldova for this impure behavior, we put more faith in the 2008 book The Geography of Bliss that names it one of the happiest places in the world, and we don’t need a fancy graph to figure out the correlation there.
So, if you’re looking for a hot new spot to get drunk and make bad decisions with your friends, look no further than Moldova. Consider a trip to the capital city of Chișinău, home to a famous club called Booze Time; or, if going on a bender is more your speed, may we suggest a trip to a little town named… well, Bender.
This post has been brought to you by the copious amounts of liquor we plan to drink this weekend. Happy Friday!