There’s so many articles floating around the interwebs about how to eat healthy when traveling. This is not one of them. You might know of these unhealthy foods to some capacity, but if you’re interested in speeding down the path towards heart disease, take heed that all these delicious choices can be found around almost any corner.
Pommes Frites are, well, french fries. Everyone knows they’re as yummy as they are terrible for you. But using the label “Pommes Frites” designates a specific, Euro-centric preparation: these double-fried large fries come in a cone and are commonly topped off with mayonnaise-based dressings. They’re often called “Belgian Style” or “Vlaamse Frieten” when found elsewhere in the world.
The unhealthiest aspect of Pommes Frites is the massive volume of fries offered, and not as a customary side dish. If you find yourself in Canada, go try poutine style: french fries slathered in gravy and curd cheese. Jeebus.
Everyone’s favorite go-to Thai dish just isn’t that great for you. I know, those veggies and tofu fooled me too, but Pad Thai is still made up of fried noodles wherever it’s found. Pho noodles are known to suck up as much sodium as they can (hence what makes Pho so tasty) and the greasy texture can’t be accomplished without gracious amounts of oil.
Disappointing for sure, but a better approach to Pad Thai would to consider it a side dish (like your Pommes Frites, mayhaps?). The problem is that it works so well as a standalone meal. Healthier variations do exist, but are nowhere near the norm.
Everything is Bacon
There’s so much to love about bacon: the salty taste, the intoxicating smell, the danger of eating it! Bacon’s popularity has led to a crazy amount of use with the ingredient, so in case no one told you: it’s still cool to pretend like it isn’t unhealthy.
You can now find bacon in your doughnuts, cup cakes, chocolate bars, candy, popcorn, mayonnaise, jam, vodka, massage oil, and air fresheners. Confused foreigners should know it’s more of a Western civilization thing, and not far off from the genius sort of thinking that turned Doritos into a taco.
Well known as the Wiener sausage, Vienna sausages are filled with the lowest end of animal product to get your taste buds dancing and your heart stopping. They’re chock full of sodium, fat, and cholesterol. Longer variations are found in and around Germany, but they’re better known elsewhere as cocktail wienies.
As for a healthier alternative? Um, this is sausage we’re talking about. Usually deli-fresh is the way to go, but finding fresh Vienna sausage at a butcher is rare. Especially outside of Germany.
The Luther Burger
It’s difficult to determine which American export is more deadly – our ironclad, oil-starved brand of military freedom, or the Luther Burger. Where the Luther came from is disputed, but legend has it that it was the creation and favorite dish of singer-songwriter Luther Vandross. His legacy lives on by reminding everyone what caused his lethal heart attack in 2005.
A Luther Burger is a cheeseburger between one or more glazed doughnuts for buns. For optimal taste, a Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut is used as the bun, guaranteeing to shave off a few days from your life. It’s an unholy creation, one that the new Pope would be wise to immediately condemn.