“Novelty” is a word that once carried a positive nuance to terms like “unique” or “refreshing”. In it’s modern usage, the word is geared more to fads, where the concept of newness is no assurance of outstanding quality or longevity. Maybe society is just filled with crap right now, but when something is described as a novelty, a good portion of the population shudders with the memory of their dusty Crocs, Guitar Hero controllers, and Chia Pets.
Traveling sometimes incites bad decision making, but some want to be preemptive with their dumb choices. They like to get novelty travel items that encourage stupidity. They’re usually referred to as “tourists from middle America”, which is a fairly large market. Here are some useful yet stupid travel products because I like to pretend I’m busy at the office:
Aquabell Travel Weights
“I know my hotel has a gym but I like to work out with my own equipment. Good thing I brought my Aquabell Travel Weights! I just fill em’ up with the agonizing weight of tap water and I’m ready to get ripped! Can you curl up to 16 f***ing pounds? Didn’ t think so, bitch.” This is a good idea in theory. It’s a bad idea in practicality.
Skyrest Travel Pillow
If it doesn’t bother you to be the asshole blowing up his pillow like a balloon in the middle of take-off so you can sleep like a middle schooler at 6th period, then feel free to look like this guy. That poor, poor soul stuck in the window seat…
There are better ways to use it.
Travel Folding Footrest
There’s a Zoolander joke somewhere here. I’m sure something about increased circulation to the feet and no germs from the dirty floor and God just give me a break already.
A water bottle that plays music? What is this wizardry? Imagine being able to drink from your iPod and it’s easy to chalk this one up to “stupid things for rich people”. Actually, drinking from an iPod would be sort of practical. It’d make for a very inconspicuous flask.
Oh my… Which religious deity should I thank for this? Screw it, I’ll start worshiping all of them.