Where were we? Oh right, Bora Bora and down one matching pair of gynecologists. Are the teams ever going to leave this island paradise? Yup. And they’re jetting off to New Zealand. Well, except for Dave who is hobbling to New Zealand.
Team Bro are the first ones out and head to Phil’s hometown, Christchurch, New Zealand. Once there, they must drive to the Rakaia River Gorge. The Photo That Came With Your Picture Frame are next, followed closely behind by Pretty Pretty Pretty, YouTube, Permullet, and Roller Derby. Pretty Pretty Pretty finally gave TPTCWYPF the Express Pass so that Dave could see a doctor during a layover in Tahiti. Doesn’t that sound lovely? “Oh, I’m flying out of Bora Bora and there’s a layover in Tahiti on the way to New Zealand.” Meanwhile, My Family Is Famous, the Newlyweds, and Team BFF are scattered about two hours behind.
Dave gets that ankle examined in Tahiti and learns that it’s all messed up, with the muscle and Achilles tendon torn. He is given a big old boot and crutches and is determined to continue on the race while walking like a very short giraffe because pain meds are fun.
All teams are on the same flight to Auckland, but they must finagle connecting flights to Christchurch. There is a mad dash to the ticket counter, and BFF comes from behind to grab the last tickets on the first flight out at 5:00 p.m. while everyone else is on the 5:30 and 6:00 p.m. flights…except for Permullet who buy tickets on a 7:30 p.m. flight and then wonder where everybody ran off to in such a hurry.
Despite their head start, BFF takes a wrong turn. It’s almost like they don’t enjoy being in first place. TPTCWYPF get to the gorge first and claim a number for a speedboat that will take them to the next clue in the morning. They are followed by YouTube, Pretty Pretty Pretty, and the Newlyweds. BFF finally catch up and grab the fifth spot, and then Roller Derby, My Family Is Famous, and Team Bro arrive. Long after the sun goes down, Permullet takes the last spot. The teams all camp for the night, and in the morning they set off down a gorgeous river gorge.
Detour! Teams must drive ATVs to one of two tasks: Rev It Up, or Reel It In. In Rev It Up, teams drive modified vintage cars through an obstacle course. Both teammates must drive, and the combined time must be under 83 minutes. For Reel It In, teams much catch one fish per person, and the fish must be at least twelve inches long.
TPTCWYPF choose Rev It Up but have to switch because Dave’s boot won’t be able to work a clutch. All of the other teams choose Rev it Up except, of course, Permullet. After a few unsuccessful minutes of fishing, TPTCWYPF use their Express Pass to drive to their next clue. Bad move, boys. The next task could be a lot more physical than fishing.
Pretty Pretty Pretty finish the driving task first, followed by YouTube. Newlyweds are having trouble getting in under the time and it’s all his fault!
BFFs are stalling out as everyone else arrives at the course. My Family Is Famous have an interesting strategy of just keeping the car in first gear and hoping they finish before the car conks out. Roller Derby finishes next, leaving the Newlyweds fishtailing around the course. They finally get their act together and finish right behind Team Bro and BFFs. The clue directs teams to drive to Mount Hut Station to search for their next clue. Shortly after the teams leave, My Family Is Famous crosses the finish line with smoke coming out of the engine.
Over at the fishing hole, Permullet are, like, professionals. In no time at all, they both reel in giant fish and are off to find their next clue.
Roadblock! One member of each team must race through a muddy obstacle course called a shemozzle that involves molasses, feathers, and fresh eggs. The contestants will be accompanied by a shepherd and his dog and must safely deliver twelve eggs to get their next clue.
Teams are having a lot of trouble navigating to the Roadblock. This is partly due to New Zealand having not so many people but a whole lot of sheep. Unfortunately, the sheep are really bad at giving directions, so Pretty Pretty Pretty drive in the wrong direction, and the Newlyweds, followed by Team Bro, drive way out of their way before realizing the mistake and turning back. This allows TPTCWYPF to finish the Roadblock before anyone else arrives.
Pretty Pretty Pretty get to the Roadblock next, followed by BFFs, Permullet, and My Family Is Famous. Winnie is running the course for BFF and is taking one egg at a time, which is a really exhausting strategy. As the teams slip and slide and smash through the course, I’m a little unclear about the breakability of these eggs and start to wonder if they’ve been hardboiled.
TPTCWYPF are the first team to greet Phil at the mat and learn that the leg is not over. He hands them their next clue, which sends teams to Bali. With a messed up ankle and a used up Express Pass, TPTCWYPF must decide if they are going to continue racing.
To be continued….
Linda Sue Strong is the founder of entertainment blog TerribleTelevision.com and an occasional attorney. Her life has not yet been turned into a reality television show. Follow her at @themisslinda.
All photos via CBS